How to boost your social health
- May 21
- 5 min read
We've been talking about social health — what it is, how gaps happen and what they reveal, that if we want belonging (and scientists say we all do) it’s all about creating connection, helping others and yourself feel seen and understood.
Now let's get into the tricky part: what to do about it.
The easy path: shared interests, beliefs, and values.
When you find your people — the ones who also love ‘da Bears, share your faith, or are fluent in 90’s movie quotes — connection happens fast. Shared identity creates an instant shortcut. You don't have to explain yourself. You already belong.
The inconvenient path: different views, different worlds.
Creating real connection with someone who sees things differently? That takes a lot more effort. To build connection you have to go out of your way to show you care, expressing genuine interest and a willingness to wade into the waters of vulnerability. It requires patience, effort, and a genuine ability to sit with discomfort.
Showing you care might mean engaging in some shared activities that highlight what’s changed instead of ignoring it. This could look like going shopping for baby gear with a pregnant friend even though you're a devoted DINK or attending a monster truck rally with your brother-in-law because he’s new to the family, even though you’re more of a cyclist.
Making this effort is a labor of love. Something we do to show we care.
Another way to show we care is by exploring someone's interests, beliefs, and values by having a risky conversation — especially the ones they've been quietly keeping from you because they suspect you disagree. These are the pieces of themselves they have felt the need to hide. That's where real connection lives. This is where they will go beyond feeling merely included but also seen and understood. Not in the safe, weather-related topics. In the stuff that actually matters to people. The potential for connection lives in the things tied to our identities, our beliefs, values, and concerns.
We do this not just to create connections for others. When we venture into risky territory and can show we care, we often (but not always) are met in return with the same expression of care. People will work to see and understand us more deeply if they feel seen and understood.
The challenge, these conversations aren’t just uncomfortable, they’re hard to get right, to really boost your social health.
To do risky conversations well, three things come in useful:
Confidence — We need the chutzpah to start and stay present in conversations that feel tense and make us uncomfortable. Building up conflict resilience can give us confidence to tackle the unknowns that come out of a risky conversation.
Self Awareness — It’s likely that something will push our buttons as we enter into risky conversations. Knowing what pulls you into the survival mode of fight, flight, or freeze, how to recognize it in yourself when it starts happening, and having a plan to deal with the inevitability of instincts is critical. This type of emotional agility is key for showing up how you want when the conversation gets hairy.
Communication Skills — Knowing how to start or respond to a conversation on a risky topic that genuinely creates connection means ignoring some of our instincts and refining our communication skills. It’s all about communicating more effectively in ways that keep both us and our conversation partner out of survival mode.
It’s important to remember the potential payoff of a social health investment
At this point you might already be intimidated by the prospect of a risky conversation. Sure, you admit that it could be good but it sounds like a lot. Let’s explore how beneficial it could be for you.
Social health is connected to your physical and mental health.
The people around you shape your overall health more than you might realize.
When social health is struggling:
Interpersonal conflict can spike your stress levels, mess with your sleep, and send you straight to the snack cabinet. (We don't judge. We've been there.) Ongoing social friction makes it harder to concentrate, and a lot of us develop our own coping rituals — doom-scrolling, comfort eating, that third glass of wine on a Tuesday — that quietly become the default.
Similarly, rejection has a way of sneaking into your self-worth. One bad interaction, one group that doesn't quite click, one relationship that quietly drifts — and suddenly you're questioning your own value. That's a short road to loneliness and, for a lot of people, depression.
Your physical and mental health don’t have the support they need to thrive.
When social health is thriving:
You have a friend who will actually go rock climbing with you. Or text back "I'm in" when you suggest a water-drinking challenge. Positive social feedback loops build better self-esteem and happiness — and here's the one that really lands: people with strong social connections have a 50% greater likelihood of living longer. Not 5%. Fifty.
Likewise, you have access to your own personal hype squad. People who will call you when you're spiraling, offer a perspective you couldn't see from where you're standing, and help you catch yourself when your brain is telling you a story that isn't entirely true.
Your physical and mental health have encouragement they need to flourish.
This isn't rocket science. But it's not easy either.
Think of it like learning to play soccer.
We’ve all seen a group of kindergarteners play soccer. Every single kid is chasing the ball. Nobody is holding position. Everyone has the same instinct — get the ball — and chaos is the result.
We do the same thing in risky conversations. We try to claim sole possession of the narrative. The adult version of this looks like two people insisting at each other without talking with each other, making a quick exit when the conversation gets tough, or watching your own volume and tone climb in a way you didn't quite plan.
Getting better at risky conversations, like building stellar soccer skills, takes actual practice. You cannot study your way into being good. No amount of binge-watching Shrinking or Couples Therapy — as excellent as both of those shows are — will make you better at creating connection where it doesn't come naturally.
At some point you have to get off the stands, walk onto the field, and kick the dang ball.
You don't have to do this alone.
And here's the good news: you don't have to put your current relationships at risk to get better at this. You don't have to use the people you love as your practice field while you figure it out.
That's exactly what the School for Risky Conversations is here for. We'll help you build your confidence, get in touch with your self awareness, and grow your skills to close the connection gap — so that belonging stops feeling like something that happens to other people and starts feeling like something you can actually create.
Better social health is possible. Better conversations are possible.
Let's start building genuine connection.
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