Why risky conversations matter

Stress is overwhelming us. 

Political stress alone is affecting our physical and mental wellbeing. One study says that the political stress we experience is as bad or might even be worse to our health than the negative impact of alcohol. We experience anxiety and depression. We lose sleep. We reach for a Dr. Pepper and Cheetos instead of taking a walk. We question our own value when one of our identities feels like it's under threat. 

But it doesn’t stop there, it’s impacting our relationships. According to the APA, 1 in 3 people experience strained family relationships and limit family interactions due to differing values. We choose to isolate ourselves from the people who hold different beliefs because it’s too stressful to deal with the confrontation, especially if that's a new dynamic to a long-standing relationship. 

The kicker? These studies are several years old (think pre-“Despacito”) and some experts believe the impact of stress on our everyday lives has gotten even worse. 

Social health matters. 

We’ve all made choices that demonstrate our understanding of the importance of our physical health (reaching for carrot sticks instead of the potato chips) and mental health (even if therapy isn’t your thing, a short nature walk is a form of mental health care). Social health is the “and Peggy" that rounds out this trio. According to the World Health Organization,

Health is a state of complete physical, mental, and social well-being and not merely the absence of disease.

Social health is less popular but no less important. In fact, improving our social health can enhance our mental and physical health. So what exactly is social health? 

Like my grandma’s jello salad, it’s comprised of a few layers:

The base layer is the social skills we have as individuals. Like the fruit cocktail that sinks to the button of the dish, this is a hodgepodge of interpersonal skills including empathy, emotional regulation, and how we engage in conflict. 

The next layer is the relationships we hold with others including the quality and depth of our relationships. This the actual gelatin in the proverbial jello salad, the glue that holds everything together. This is where we give and receive support, mutually create inside jokes, and build trust for hard talks. 

The sherbet (sherbert?) layer on top are the community connections. This is the layer of social trust that provides shared rituals, sense of belonging, and identity. Since most of us have many identities we simultaneously hold many communities all with their own unique norms and ways of communicating. 

And like my grandma’s jello salad, these layers can’t be separated. They are fused together into one cohesive unit. If we want stronger communities, if we want deeper relationships, it traces back to our own interpersonal capabilities. When we struggle to regulate our fears or see someone else’s perspective, we see the impact ripple through our relationships and our communities. When we struggle to connect because of differing views on complicated topics, it constrains our communities and impacts our wellbeing. 

Connection is a fundamental human need. 

Our ability to communicate and connect across divides is the infrastructure for our social wellbeing. Research (from these smarty-pants) suggests we can even experience higher life satisfaction due to greater sense of belonging when we increase our ability to engage in healthy conflict.

Yet, the main way we spend our time being ‘social’ isn’t beneficial for our relationships or our health. We all know that social media is the proverbial 'Shake Weight' of social wellbeing. What if we spent even half the time each week investing in our abilities to engage in the tough stuff of relationships, learning to unpack difficult ideas, as we do scrolling through our socials? 

We don’t have to wait for the algorithms to get better. 

We don’t have to cut out all news from the outside world.  

We don’t have to phase out the relationships that become challenging. 

We can start building our capacity to engage in the tough work of being part of communities, families, and friendships without waiting for the world to fix itself. We invest in building our emotional resilience for our own growth. We invest in growing our communication skills for our own relationships. We invest in our conflict resilience so that we can build communities that build towards our bigger dreams. 

We do it for our health. 

Start a new social health habit